I enjoy it when someone, including myself just spill out our thoughts, so keep on spilling, Katara
Sometimes you can just ramble through those spilt thoughts and find several gems of truth. In finding the answers that you're looking for, it usually takes a lifetime of searching, especially the inner search through the complex being that you are, that you have become, and rambling thoughts are sometimes your own daemon/higher self trying to help you out. And sometimes it can even be an outside entity.
As far as the feminine spirit being within a male, that's something I'm fairly familiar with. I myself feel that I've always had the Great Mother, or the Energy also known as Kundalini inside me. If I was pressed to say whether or not there was a God who created everything and keeps everything growing, I would say that that God is Feminine. Now, as I said, She is inside me, and I am feminine in many ways, including being sexually orientated to bisexuality, but I have never wanted to be a girl. I am very happy to be a guy, especially with outside plumbing
But I can easily understand why a person would want to change. Most men wouldn't, but most men are not very open minded about this topic.
Don't be surprised if it takes a long time to get responses here on this forum, Katara. The forum is kind of dying right now, so your very interesting situation and questions might not get a quick Itladian response. But who knows, maybe we'll be a new attraction, the kinky side of the forum. Hell, I just 'outed' myself to the whole forum, which should generate some added spills - of thoughts...