A Transsexual or Transgender Life ?

[Katara]

Hi,

Im very new here and would just like to mention something that i couldnt find anywhere on this forum. It is about my whole being, everything i feel and am but am not in body. Well i am now, but its been a struggle.
Please let me explain, i try not to make it too long or boring but would appreaciate your views and opinons.


I am 38 years old and spent most of my life in the wrong body. I knew everything was wrong from the moment i could really think for myself, and during school was heavily bullied as i was seen as a boy but was in fact inside i was a girl.

I joined a rock/metal band in my late teens and through my twenties and went on but drink always got me though my pain of everything being wrong.
But once the band split, i lost my way and purpose and was suicidal reaching thirty and still living in the wrong body.
On hitting 30 years old i was bloated and had no self respect of my body and lost the will to live.

Friends talked me into counselling and from there i went onto to psychiatrists and over the last seven years i am now post op transsexual and living and working as female.


I am very happy and feel that it is only now i live with my eyes open.
I am very spiritual and have looked at religion of all kinds over the years to find answers ? to talk to god and ask why i was misplaced in the wrong body,
but of course there no answers.

I stumbled across quantum physics about six months ago and then Anthony Peake, its extremely interesting and over religion this makes more sense to me.

But im desperate to ask the question,

Does living my life again mean that i be born male again ! ?
or can someone be born in different body..

Maybe i spent many lives as female and this is why everything feels wrong this time being in a male body ?

Maybe this is the case with any one who is trangender, or for me why everything feels so wrong ?

I don't haven many if any deja vu and hardly ever dream ?

I would love peoples opinions and very much look forward to your thoughts on this.

Kind Regards,
Katara.

[LarryG]

Hi Katara,

You make an interesting first time post here on Tony's forum, and I'll be interested in hearing what the Itladian lads and ladies have as responses. My responses will be more on the spiritual and kundalini side, but I want to be first to welcome you to this forum And of course I'll have to think it over for awhile, and let some coffee perculate through this old body of mine

May the Mother bless you with Her Love and share Her wisdom with you.
LarryG

[Katara]

Hi Larry,
thank you for your reply.

I have looked at many things religious to find some answer with the Christian 'male' water carrier and Native American beliefs of two spirits.
Mukhannathun of Islam, Katoey, and many many more, infact as far back as time there has always been transgender.

But no answer to why ?

I have worried about my own life about the wrong doing according to many people view of a god ?

Listening and reading about Quantum Physics alone, open my eyes to a bigger spectrum, and HOPE was placed on living, growing and learning as a spirit.

When finding Anthony Peake i thought maybe this makes sense.
I mean like he said "putting the puzzle together" through all the people who has gone before us, suddenly over all religions, there along the same lines.

But reading about the slow down of time which is so true, the Daemon
(who im not sure i have heard in me)
like i said i also hardly dream,

would this because this is a new path for my spirit ?

I know one thing..., if the reason we are here is to learn and to grow then..
My god i have learnt many things, that this is simply a material world, and we as people how we talk, interact, and treat one another goes a long long way over money and luxury.

Even the world itself is trully beautiful,
but if that in itself is only a hologram then what awaits, I have thought maybe this is all a test?, i mean we are blessed with Love and Heart and compassion, but there's also the negative side, anger, fear, and sometimes revenge.

I do feel there is a point to us being here, i just wish my life hadn't been so hard to lose friends, work, and my childhood just to transition.

But my family have come around, im back at work and life is unlike before.. so worth living and not for the riches in the world, but for the people around me. I have an appreciation for the beauty of the world we live in.

Hmmm, lol sorry to spill my thoughts out loud.

Katara x
Certainly is an interesting subject and i crave more knowledge and a thirst to learn.

[LarryG]

I enjoy it when someone, including myself just spill out our thoughts, so keep on spilling, Katara Sometimes you can just ramble through those spilt thoughts and find several gems of truth. In finding the answers that you're looking for, it usually takes a lifetime of searching, especially the inner search through the complex being that you are, that you have become, and rambling thoughts are sometimes your own daemon/higher self trying to help you out. And sometimes it can even be an outside entity.

As far as the feminine spirit being within a male, that's something I'm fairly familiar with. I myself feel that I've always had the Great Mother, or the Energy also known as Kundalini inside me. If I was pressed to say whether or not there was a God who created everything and keeps everything growing, I would say that that God is Feminine. Now, as I said, She is inside me, and I am feminine in many ways, including being sexually orientated to bisexuality, but I have never wanted to be a girl. I am very happy to be a guy, especially with outside plumbing But I can easily understand why a person would want to change. Most men wouldn't, but most men are not very open minded about this topic.

Don't be surprised if it takes a long time to get responses here on this forum, Katara. The forum is kind of dying right now, so your very interesting situation and questions might not get a quick Itladian response. But who knows, maybe we'll be a new attraction, the kinky side of the forum. Hell, I just 'outed' myself to the whole forum, which should generate some added spills - of thoughts...

[CFTraveler]

Hi Katara and welcome-
This is a hard question you ask- I have struggled with the idea of being born in the same circumstances with the same family (I love them all but I love their spirits more than their personas, and didn't have a very happy childhood).

Does living my life again mean that i be born male again ! ?
or can someone be born in different body..

I think from the point of view of the 'Bohmian Imax', if the 'Many Worlds' theory is correct, then you might pick the one in which you were born in different circumstances, I suppose, so it depends on the probabilities....
However, from a spiritual viewpoint, I would propose the idea that you chose this path this time to have the 'different' experience of being born male, to see if you would prevail in what felt right to you- but I'd just be guessing here.
I hope you enjoy the forum, it's good when it gets going.

[Katara]

@ Larry

Yes i too enjoy a good ramble, it is good for the soul. I too believe God is female, but something tells me if we are one as a conscious, and its been said that we are of all one,..

Then maybe we are all part of god, and the one thing i have struggled with, is to bow and kneel and worship a god,
Not that im not grateful to the world and the beauty and everything. I am.

But if god was all of us,
then to grow, learn and worship Ourselves then that would seem ok. Im not saying i dont or wouldnt worship a god, but isnt that in some way a slavery ?
God here i go again with a another ramble.

But no getting back to this topic, i would be interested in hearing others thoughts. You mention your sexuality, which i must add im sure everyone here is cool with what ever you feel in your heart is best for you.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but we are talking far away from S%*
S*% and activities are a different subject all together.
I didn't know about (it wont let me enter the word s e x) when i was 4 or 5 years old but i knew i was born in the wrong body. How can an innocent child who knows nothing other than how they feel ?

I would dearly like to hear Anthony Peakes take on the topic.
Does he feel that we live many lives in many bodies ?
Is it to grow and to learn as a spirit ?

Or will i be transported back to 1974 and my mum yet again have to endure the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck as im rushed from one small town hospital to the nearby city..

hmmm i have heard that has something to do with things.
Maybe we are moving off topic again,.
I have thought that the umbilical cord was meant to kill me as someone knew or i.. that something was wrong.

Maybe it was me thinking too deeply about it and wishing i didn't make it and made another life ?

Either way, this journey has made me so much more wiser, appreciative and spiritually stronger.

@ CFTraveller

do you think we choose our path before we are born ?

I mean i believe we can change things here in this life, but , maybe not,
if every path was written, i do believe in fate.

Did i choose to be transgender this time round :S
I certainly wont be making that mistake again lol. But no i have had a good life, and hope to live, learn and grow a lot more.

Its so interesting, thank you for you and everyones warm welcome here.
Speak to you soon x

[CFTraveler]

do you think we choose our path before we are born ?

I've come to take it on as a provisional belief. It just makes sense to me at the moment.
One thing that I have always found helpful is that when things are tough, I 'remember' this idea, and wonder, what did I want to learn by going through this? And find all kinds of interesting answers most of the time. Not all of the time, but most of it.